Friday, July 18, 2008

It's that time again


July, I never thought that one month of the year could be approached with such dread as happens when you lose a child. Two years ago today we found out that our Matthew was gone from earthly life & I still struggle to grasp that fact-as a mother it doesn't fit into my mind. Knowing something in your head & embracing the reality are two different matters & I doubt that it will ever be different, something inside me just can't understand that Matthew is not still alive.
As I walked in the park with Button yesterday I placed a little sprig of rosemary, the herb of remembrance, & a red rose from our garden, by the memorial we have there. The date still hasn't been corrected so I need to follow up on that. DH & I have our wedding anniversary 16th. July, the day before Matt actually had died ,17th. though his body was not found until the following day. So our anniversary has been swallowed up in the whole agony of Matthew's loss & I don't know how to disentangle it.
I keep encountering more bereaved parents & we all have the same experience in grief, it never goes away it's never over when you lose a child.

6 comments:

Carol said...

Roslyn, my heart goes out to you and I do pray that you find some peace. My daughter has been gone now 11 years and it still feels like it was yesterday. The only solace I find is knowing I will see her again one day and that she is not suffering. I will continue to pray for you and all parents that have lost their children, that is all we can do.

Andee said...

My biggest fear is losing one of my children...I cannot even imagine the incredible heaviness of that loss. I don't know that my words help at all, but if it were me I would try to celebrate all the time you had with Matthew instead of remembering the loss...that may make your anniversary easier to celebrate. Easy for me to say, perhaps not so easy to do, but he was here for a reason and he mattered to many...I hope that brings you some peace.

Lindah said...

Dear Roslyn -- Thinking of you and understanding your pain.

creativedawn said...

Dear Roslyn,
You and your family are in my prayers... God bless
Hugs
Pam

Candace said...

I'm sorry for your loss, and will pray that you will have peace.

AverettLadyNana said...

My deepest sympathy from the bottom of my heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine the pain you must be going through. My first cousin had two daughters and lost her oldest when she was 17 and my sister lost her only child when he was 22. I know the grief they lived/live with.

Celebrate his life...that was the only thing that helped them.