Friday, July 18, 2008
It's that time again
July, I never thought that one month of the year could be approached with such dread as happens when you lose a child. Two years ago today we found out that our Matthew was gone from earthly life & I still struggle to grasp that fact-as a mother it doesn't fit into my mind. Knowing something in your head & embracing the reality are two different matters & I doubt that it will ever be different, something inside me just can't understand that Matthew is not still alive.
As I walked in the park with Button yesterday I placed a little sprig of rosemary, the herb of remembrance, & a red rose from our garden, by the memorial we have there. The date still hasn't been corrected so I need to follow up on that. DH & I have our wedding anniversary 16th. July, the day before Matt actually had died ,17th. though his body was not found until the following day. So our anniversary has been swallowed up in the whole agony of Matthew's loss & I don't know how to disentangle it.
I keep encountering more bereaved parents & we all have the same experience in grief, it never goes away it's never over when you lose a child.